From here on out, everything seems to be a blurb as things happened so fast. I don’t remember dates which is ok but wished I would have kept better track. Live and learn I guess.
James pediatrician talked to both James and I at first and then he wanted to speak with James alone. It seemed like forever but I am sure it was 5 – 10 minutes. James and I then both talked to the doctor. In summary, the pediatrician suggested that he has only had a handful of patients that have come out (I liked his honesty) and he would refer us to Sick Children’s Hospital to a clinic there. I told him that we already had an appointment in the next few days at Sick Children’s Hospital in the Teen Clinic. The pediatrician was happy with that. If there was anything else we needed, please let him know.
This visit was very emotional. I did cry at the doctors office but it was ok. James did see me cry and I know this upsets him. I tried not to cry because I don’t like to upset him. I explained to him that I was feeling overwhelmed plus this is all new and scare. I know nothing about this at all. I definitely know more now then before.
James, his dad, and myself all went to the Sick Kids appointment. James dad still thinks it is a phase.
We meet with James Teen Clinic doctor and he did his usual follow up. He then asked if there was anything else that we wanted to tell him. I started to cry instantly. I was glad he had kleenex in his office. (Do you have the impression that I cry a lot? More is yet to come.) We explained what James was feeling. Once again he meet with James alone and brought us in after speaking with James. He then said he was not an expert about this, would we mind if he introduced us to someone that. We agreed. He brought in a Social Worker to speak with all of us and asked if we had any questions. I did. I asked about him going to the washroom. We discussed what makes James feel comfortable and which one did he want to go into. He said the men bathroom and my heart sank. I think because this is all becoming real. The Social Worker said if James dad was with him for him to go until James feels more comfortable. She pointed out the he can use the handicapped or family bathroom. She reiterated that safety and comfort is the main objective. I thought this was the end of the conversation. How I was wrong!!! She then asked if James was wearing a binder. James said yes and bought is second hand. (I forgot to tell you that James and his friend went to a store and bought a used binder before he came out to us.) James dad and myself were shocked. We had no idea. The Social Worker and James went to the other end of the hall and James tried on binders that fit him. This is a great service just so James knows how it should fit. We couldn’t buy it there for him but they told us where to go. They told us to go to Come As You Are ( Come As You Are). James knew what kind he wanted and style. We made a follow-up appointment with the Social Worker.
We learnt that some trans-children try and take their own life. I am so proud of James that he didn’t. I cannot tell you what a great feeling this is. I know odd, right?? I have asked him this so many times. I was so proud of him.
The most important piece of information that we received was to follow James lead. Check to make sure he is comfortable with the steps we were about to take. For example: telling close friend and family, contacting his current school, contacting his high school. I even checked with him about this blog. If we are not too sure about something, we asked James. I know this is “simple” information but it makes sense now more than ever.
As I said James is ready to hit the ground running. James dad and I need to catch up with him. On the car ride home, he turns and says. “Mom when can we go shopping for the binder and new clothes.” I said, “this weekend.” My heart sank.
Looking back, I think James dad and I were shocked at how much research James had done before coming out to us. He bought a binder with a friend, decided this is who he is, downloaded an app that indicates trans bathrooms, plus came out to a few friends and us. Wow what an amazing kid and he was ok with everything. James has been a sick child and we went to the Teen Clinic A LOT but after he came out, all his medical issues went away. I think the medical issues were from the stress. Even the Teen Doctor said James seems to be doing so much better. James is so much more happier and has more energy. Its amazing. He still has to take iron pills but who cares. My son is alive and doing great.
I am so proud of James dad for coming to this appointment. He had to take time off work plus this is hard for him. In the coming days, I will be more impressed with him. What a great dad that he is.
James comments – it was great trying on binders at Sick Kids plus doing it with a professional.